I'd like to start tonight with a quote from Merle Shain: "We tend to think of the rational as a higher order, but it is the emotional that makes our lives. One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment."
I have spent the past 4 days in peace after spending my fair share of ten days in agony. This agony was (as always) caused by a failed/failing relationship - and it seems when things begin to crumble you come to the end of yourself. This end is a sharp realization of who you are and what you've become. You can choose at this point to walk off that end into a new you which inevitably brings you to another "end" OR you can choose to turn around from that end to who you used to be.
The past 4 days I have chosen to turn around. I choose to not be content. I choose to go back. I choose to change. And change again. I choose to find who I used to be - when I was younger, braver, stronger in my faith, weaker in my fleshy confidence. I am repenting. I am turning my face back to God and away from the same relationship and sin I keep committing. The unloving, impatient, whirlwind of meaningless commitments type of relationship. I am redefining my love, my acceptance, my joy, my holiness, my righteousness, my solace, my meaningful relationship with the Divine. My agony brought me here. My discontentment will hold me to a steady pace and I will keep on moving towards Him.
And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.
--- Luke 11:9
No comments:
Post a Comment